So lets start with Step 1:
Fear of approaching people:
Think of opportunities that you get by connecting: People who have social fear think of what possibly can go wrong. Instead think the opposite .. Think of what can go right.
Approach the first person you see when you reach a social place: By this way you are able to send signals to your brain that approaching people will not lead you to rejection.
Name your fear: We all have these fears that visit us everytime we do something new, name this fear and address the fear head on .. Do not run ..
Make fun of your fear: Next time you see this fear visiting you …. Laugh .. and treat it like you treat a baby .. address the fear by the name and repeat ‘I know you are here reminding me again that I am doing something new and something can go wrong’ .. but chill .. all is well .. We all know this song ‘Oh Chachoo all is well’ .. (Name your fear .. Chachoo, see we can even use songs for our advantage)
Step 2: Fear of rejection:
Next time you fear of being rejected …. pause .. tell yourself .. It is not my fault..
Maybe it looks a bit lame, but trust me it works .. and as long as it works for your advantage nothing better ..
So keep repeating to yourself ‘Not my fault’ .. and now you have to create a story to tell yourself why it is not your fault .. one of them is ..’He/she is having a bad day’.
Now let’s look at this: If your boss is mad at you, think of it like this, ‘Maybe his wife didn’t serve him food’. Well, this is what me & my friends used to think when our teacher would be in a bad mood back in school days.
So the point is don’t take rejection personally .. and get into this mode of self pityness, which generates only negativity in you.. like ‘I am good for nothing’, ‘I am a loser’, ‘I am not good enough’ or etc.
Whatever story you think of .. the truth is ..rejection is not your fault .. unless it is.
If you think it is your fault: Then use it as an opportunity to learn from it .. Ask yourself some questions 🙂
What is that you could have done better?
What is there that you can learn?
Where did I go wrong?
How can I acquire more knowledge in that subject?
With rejection comes learning .. and rejection is part of the learning, I have been rejected several times in my life .. yet I learnt all that I needed to …
Step 3- Fear of what people think of you:
Let me tell you this … what people think of you has nothing to do with you .. After having to face criticism for most part of my life… I have come to realize that none of that has anything to do with me ….
People only speak from their perception, expectations, thinking, belief, conditioning etc …. And the more you focus on what people think of you …the more you waste your time …
So stop wasting time… change your perception on what people think of you …
Think of it like this … How people perceive you is something which you have no control over … The only thing you can control is to put your best foot forward .. over and over again … so control that which you can … i.e. ‘yourself’.
Live a life of ‘courage’ … ‘stop being someone else’ and ‘stop being dictated’ … and live the life of what you want to do and be ‘who you really are’.
Or, simply change the circle of the people you hang out with … choose those who uplift you, encourage you, motivate you and of course love you …
The fact remains that there will always be people who will not like you … and definetly  you can not please everyone … all you can do is ‘Be yourself’.
There is a quote ‘ It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.” André Gide
 
Let me know if this has helped you ….
You can write to me at [email protected] or connect with me through my various social networks .. one to mention instagram @maleehabertin
#socialfear #socialanxiety #fear #faceyourfears

What is the pursuit of your life?

Well hear me out again… I didn’t say passion or purpose … I said pursuit..
While most people don’t know what their pursuit of life is… They wake up everyday without a purpose, just killing time or even wasting it, having a negative attitude towards life and people… And guess what, having no aspirations in life….
From a university degree to a good job, from a love story to a family with kids, from a small house to a big house, from little bank balance to more …

But guess what we still want more, more and more .. and it is never enough ..

So, what is your pursuit of life … amidst the never ending ‘more and more’ ..
It is not easy and it took me years to get there…. From failing and falling and yet making a comeback… You know what.. Most people who make a good comeback are successful… (well success is subjective)..  I mean those who are able to pick themselves up from failures are the ones who may find some passion … some goals that they may feel more inspired and inclined towards….
But if you can find your pursuit, it will stay with you forever … And this may vary the more you grow.. it may change but it still stays in line with the greatest version of who you really are…
Something bigger than the mundane life…
Go above all this…
So for example: Love, My first success in a relationship .. Ahaha moment .. than Money …  When I bought my first branded bag… (thank you Dubai Mall), the first investment, the first brand new car, the first luxury travel…. The freedom to do what I wanted to do, the power, the security etc
For all this time I thought my pursuit of life was love, success, money, freedom, security or even relationships …
But guess what ..I realized early on that this was not the real path of life … the real pursuit of life …
If you think travelling, love, money etc will provide you long term fulfilment .. Trust me it won’t .. Although stimulus does help uplift you .. but only for a short term .. and then you are back to reality when the excitement wears off … The pattern goes with everything ….

Interestingly how most people think is no different:  for them the pursuit of life is love, success, money, happiness, power … etc

But as I mentioned above .. this is a never ending pattern…. At some point in life … You have to become conscious of this never ending pattern … And if you do … you will learn that’s not the pursuit of life ..

And so, I realized … I may continue to do all of that for pleasure, hobby or enjoy them, but they have nothing to do with my long term happiness …because that is not the pursuit of my life …

So, what is the pursuit of your life….. That stays with you… Despite all the desires that you may have fulfilled or not?  Despite of all the successes or failures that you may have had or not?

So, how to find it …

The first things you need to understand to know your pursuit are:

The purpose of life
The purpose of your soul
& what you believe about God …

Once you have clear understanding … you will know your pursuit …

Pause…… Reflect… And go deeper and deeper, find meaning, substance, longevity and with that comes peace, fulfilment, contentment, a sense of love, a sense of liberation ….. And you will find pursuit of your life !!!
Share your pursuit with me … comment below or email at [email protected]
Good luck,
Love,
Maleeha
#selfesteem #pursuit #passion #purpose #selflove #selfdevelopment

Christmas brings with it the memories of the past. Some of happiness and some of sadness. Today I thought about how blessed I am being with my lovely family in France and how miserable I was feeling on Christmas just 7 years ago and even more lonely 12 years ago.

7 years ago I was in Dubai, recently relocated and feeling alone, having no friends and family.

And more so 12 years ago, while I had friends and family but deep inside I felt lonely just waiting to be with a man who could complete me, who could love me?

But it is only 3 years ago, before I met my husband I was totally at peace with being with myself.

I accepted my life fully infact being on my own became fun.

Most of the times we spend our times thinking about if’s…if our life was better, if we had more love, if we had more money, more friends so on and so forth, but the truth is that more we have ‘if conditions’ in life the more we are unhappy.

I only realized a few years ago when I stopped fighting against this moment and accepted life with just what I had. Life was not perfect but my perspective had changed. Life may not be perfect yet but I am at peace.

Life is in the now and here, complete and beautiful.

The if’s of your life maybe many. Sadly but true that the more if’s you have the more you will be unhappy, sad, depressed and frustrated in your life.

How was life a few years ago for you?

Are you at peace with being on your own now?

Share your stores now, tag me on Instagram with hashtag #growwithmaleeha, or reply to this blog.

How is Christmas for you this year?

And for me I was peace finally with or without a relationship, with or without a family, with or without friends.

And you see, here is my picture year 2015.

I was alone enjoying in Dubai mall and Burj Khalifa (the tallest tower of the world) and being on my own was an incredibly amazing experience!

So, with or without anyone ‘Merry Christmas’ to you 🎄🎅⛄

PS: Since I get so many emails for this post, I would also like to offer my free ebook here .. you can download from my first page www.maleehabertin.com ‘101 + ways to transform your life’ and do leave your comments … Also you can check my instagram tag your posts, reviews etc on my instagram account @maleehabertin

Cheers 🙂

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Each one of us is unique and have different skills and a set of expertise. All you have to do is: know and understand yourself more to discover those.

Have you discovered what is the impact and difference you want to make to your life and also to the world? What motivates you? What you are hungry for?

When people feel like they have no sense of direction, no purpose in their life, it is because they don’t know what is important to them. They don’t know what their values are. And when you don’t know what your values are, then you’re taking on other people’s values and living other people’s priorities instead of your own.

And therefore you have unhealthy relationships, unsuccessful life, a sense of being incomplete, or having misery in your life.

Your purpose of life drives you, motivates you and encourages you to keep going every time you fail. It pushes you to your edges every time.

And why most people give up is because they do not have a big enough why?, a big enough purpose.

Discovering one’s “purpose” in life boils down to finding the things that are a desire of a larger part of you. It is not about some achievement, but merely spending your time doing that which you love to do.

To determine your purpose, ask yourself: What is your legacy going to be? What are the stories people will tell when you’re gone? How do you want people to remember you? How can you work towards that today?

Now think of the feeling: How do you feel? Do you feel at peace? Do you feel a sense of contentment? Does the result make you happy?

And again, it has to come from your heart’s desire. It cannot be something to impress people. You should have something you can enjoy fantasizing and dreaming about. You should have a clear enough ‘why?’ Know why did I set that end goal? Why is that end goal important to you?

Once you have solid answers to these questions, you will then be ready to articulate your purpose of life.

The purpose could be anything from fulfilling a personal passion project, to growing your business, to becoming an authority figure in your field, to extending your network or even telling a good story. Whatever it is, it has to be something beyond making money. If the primary motivator is to make money or something you want to do, that is not a purpose that is a short-term goal or list of to do’s. You need stronger motivators. Those weak motivators will not discipline and drive you will need.

Your purpose must be much larger enough to serve as your foundation.

So think about it – and let me know what it is your purpose?

#purposefullife #lifepurpose #passion #meaningfullife #maleehayousuf

PS: Since I get so many emails for this post, I would also like to offer my free ebook here .. you can download it from my first page www.maleehabertin.com ‘101 + ways to transform your life’ and do leave your comments … Also you can check my instagram tag your posts, reviews etc on my instagram account @maleehabertin

Need help: Book now my special 1 month coaching program. Click on the special offer below:

Book here

Are you happy?

I understand that this is the question many people answer differently.

This is the question I struggled with if you would have asked me a few years ago. Precisely because I had no time to be happy and enjoy life. I was so busy and stressed at things that were expected from me.

For some people happiness is a goal, they strive to be happy and yet fail.

For some people it is more a future thing- If i get promoted, If i am going on a vacation, if i get married and etc. The list can be endless but after you reach their then what, the moments of awe passes and we are again left with the mundane life with its challenges and demands of work life, family and society from us.

Not long ago I realized that happiness is not a goal. Happiness is a state of mind. A commitment you make with yourself that no matter what happens in my life I will not loose the state of being happy with myself. When you realize that the world outside is constantly changing and everyday has its own challenges but what matters is my own stability of my thoughts, emotions and my relationship with myself.

This was the time when I stopped struggling to be happy and rather be contented and happy for where ever I was as long as I had myself and I was at peace with myself.

My routines changed and my though patterns changed. I was no longer holding past regrets, regrets that I didn’t follow my heart, or regrets like spending too much time at work and not with myself and my loved ones.

Though some people wait until they are on their death beds to have this realization? I am indeed blessed. And you are blessed to have read this post.

You can start to take the steps that I took and be happy from now on –

Step 1: Go out for a walk – daily.
Step 2: Take some time out and contemplate your life.
Step 3: Practice Yoga once a week (I normally do that on a Saturday)
Step 4: Go out with your friends once a week (Read my note on friends)
Step 5: Watch a few Sitcoms and laugh
Step 6: Do something different: Attend a concert, learn a new language or register yourself for a dance class.
Step 7: Read a good book – (The most easiest way to learn)
Step 8: Enjoy the weather- Some people enjoy rain and some sunshine.
Step 9: Connect with nature- Smell the flowers and be present. (Go to my note of being present)
Step 10: Go to bed at a fixed time (regularly to have a good night’s sleep)

#happiness #behappy

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