One the questions I didn’t know could change my world completely. And while I am sharing this post I understand how valuable this is. I had to stop the war that I had within myself for long and that kept me away from the beautiful life that I have today. Yet its never too late to learn.
1. Live in the present moment:
Most of the times we are worried about the future and that prevents us from enjoying this moment. When I was in my teens, I thought people who are at peace with their life have every reason to be. And my thoughts went like this:
They are pretty and I am not? They are rich and I am not as rich as them? They have a perfect spouse and I do not?
I realized I was not happy because I believed that I have every reason not to be happy with life. The moment I detached myself from these thoughts I could embrace happiness.
See how many thoughts you have live this, let go of that thought and ask yourself how does this thought help me? Does this thought hep me in my growth or limits me.
If you could just remove these thoughts, stop comparing and see how it feels like-
2. Learn to accept:
A part of being at war with yourself is resistance. Resistance is the opposite of acceptance. On one end is acceptance and the other end is resistance.
Resistance is trying to change that what is: It could be anything , statements that have ‘ifs and buts’. However when you are in acceptance you are not trying to change anything you accept whatever it is. Even if it is painful. Some people try to negate this moment and rather be somewhere else maybe because its unpleasant, its painful or its terrible. But you cannot escape this moment. You have to accept it.
Embrace the awkwardness of this moment. It is only this moment that will take you to the next. (For more details read my note on acceptance).
Forgiveness is very important. As long as you are holding someone accountable for something in your thoughts even if it is yourself you cannot move forward in your life. Forgive yourself and others and let go and free yourself. Your time, energy, thoughts are very precious. If you keep holding blame, criticism, or etc in your mind you will never be able to make peace with your past and the more you hide the more it will come again and again and occupy a big space in your mind and heart.
When you forgive you also purify your heart from any darkness that might occupy space. You also free yourself from negative thoughts that do you no good.
I understand how difficult forgiveness is: for example: How can you forgive someone who lied to you to sell their products? How can you forgive your ex-boyfriend who broke your heart? How can you forgive your ex spouse who cheated on you? How can you forgive your boss because of whom your career is at stake?
If they have done so much bad for you- how can you let their thoughts stay in your mind? Even if you stop thinking about these things they occupy you unconsciously. So become conscious and free yourself.
Forgive them- You don’t necessarily have to go to them and tell them. Just do this in your heart.
4. Be grateful:
When you look at your life what do you see?
Many people will have complaints- complaints against society, complaints against family, complaints against government, weather, city, traffic or etc. While these complaints may or may not be valid. But you can always look at things with a new perceptive and that is to look for things that you are grateful for.
So now, look at yourself and see what are the things you can be grateful for? Your health, your body, your hair, the perfection of your lips, teeth or etc. Now look around and see what you can be grateful for? perhaps maybe the place you live in, at least you have a place to stay, many people in this world do not have a shelter. Do you have water to drink? Billions of people on this planet do not have clean water to drink. Do you find reasons to be grateful for.
Perhaps its just a perception, look at things from the perceptive of being grateful and you will always find many.
Writing brings out what looms in the mind.
You can write all your struggles, your achievements, your feelings, your thoughts, your moods. All you learnt all along. Things you are grateful for.
I remember every year I would start a fresh and maintain my new years diary.
A tip: Instead of spending all your time on social media. Spare sometime and use them to write. This will really help.
You can always go back to your writings and remind yourself of all the things you had learnt and you might need to revisit them from time to time.
Here are the 5 steps you can take to make peace with yourself:
Step 1: Change your negative thoughts to positive ones.
Step 2: Accept your life just the way it is. Remove all the labels that you have.
Step 3: Forgive yourself and all others who have hurt you in any shape or form.
Step 4: Find 10 reasons to be grateful for. 5 for yourself and 5 from outside you.
Step 5: Write down all these 5 steps and whatever you have learnt about yourself.
Need help: Book now my special 1 month coaching program. Click on the special offer below: